Who is Living Your Life? Subpersonalities or the Real YOU?

brain face web

Are you living your life as a subpersonality or are you living your life as the REAL YOU? Do you sometimes feel that you are quick to react, judging others, feeling like a victim, being a caretaker, or just wanting more control over your emotions and your life? What is a subpersonality and how does it affect us us as children and adults? Learn more.


A Subpersonality is a set of positive qualities contaminated by programmed, faulty beliefs, attitudes, and feelings, which assumes an autonomous (independent) identity within the psyche. It has a rigid, narrow viewpoint based on its own special set of interests. Often Subpersonalities will be at war with each other.

girl quiet


The main intention of Subpersonalities is to protect the Child. They start splitting off from the subconscious at different ages in infancy and childhood. Subpersonalities help the Child develop strategies to avoid pain, and to make sure the Child’s survival will be taken care of.If there is a lot of conflict in a family, the Inner Cynic may try to help the Child get distance from the pain with a cool, sarcastic attitude towards the family. “What else can you expect from these people?” If one parent is an alcoholic, the Inner Rescuer could come forward to take care of the parent, and be nice to everybody, so that the Child’s needs still would be taken care of. “If I give enough, I’ll get my needs met.” If one parent is very judgmental, and the other parent passive and weak, the Child has to chose which one to sympathize with.

Either the Inner Judge will come forward saying, ”You should do better. You are not good enough,” or the Inner Victim will come forward saying, “I can’t do anything right, poor me!” And then, there is the Inner Rebel… If the Child’s upbringing is very rigid and limiting, it has to chose either to confirm—Mr./Ms. Together— or to rebel—Inner Rebel— against it. The Inner Rebel knows how to say “NO”, stand up for the Child, in an attempt to keep some sense of identity and freedom. If the Rebel gets stuck in saying no, she/he loses touch with a bigger picture, and even though at times when saying “YES” would be a higher choice, it is out of the question. Subpersonalities help us as children survive. Then, we grow up.

happy couple hold hands

By the time we are an Adult, the Subpersonalities are so stuck in their ways, that they fail to see that our situation is entirely different now; we have inner and outer resources we didn’t have as kids, we are physically strong and capable, we have a capacity to handle emotions, we can take care of ourselves. Many times Subpersonalities can be so single-minded about protecting the Child, that they have no idea that there is an Adult Self present, which creates inner conflict. Once they start seeing the bigger picture, they align themselves with the Adult instead of the old conditioning, and a happy, healthy Inner Family is created. Some of the Subpersonalities are:

judge law gavel

  • Inner Judge (I. Critic)
  • I. Cynic (I. Scientist)
  • Clown
  • Mr./Ms. Together
  • King/Queen
  • Warrior
  • Rebel
  • Victim
  • Lover
  • Nun/Monkmonk
  • Adventurer
  • Rescuer
  • Persecutor
  • Artist
  • Dark Woman/Dark Man , etc.


In this culture we are often conditioned to mix who we are with what we do, how we behave. As a child, if mom or dad didn’t like something you have said or done, you were called: “Bad girl / Bad boy!”

If they approved your behavior, they said: “Good boy / Good girl.” You grew up believing that who you are is what you do. And the often unspoken assumption that is connected to this belief is that you’re lovable if you did something right, and not lovable if you did something wrong. When you are stuck in this old conditioning, one of four things can happen: Either you become the Victim, feeling; “Why bother? No matter how hard I try, I’m not good enough anyway. I give up.”

personality masks

Or you become the Caretaker, trying to take care of everyone else’s needs to be good enough: “If only I take care of everyone else, I’ll be worthy.” Yet, this is a never-ending process.

You might become the Judge, judging others, making them wrong, so that no one sees that actually you believe that you are the one not worthy of love. The fourth possibility is that you become the Rebel, rebelling against the norm, angry. When your energy is going constantly outward in rebelling, saying ‘no’, you never get to see the deep, unconscious belief of not feeling good enough inside yourself.

friends happy celebrate

The truth is, this belief is not correct. Who you are is always lovable and good enough. As human beings we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them. When you make a mistake, you can say: “I’m sorry I made this mistake.” while you love and accept yourself unconditionally. When you do the inner work necessary to heal this old conditioning, you start feeling a deep sense of joy inside; your heart opens up to you, a gentle sensation of sweetness begins to spread through your body, your muscles, organs, cells… And a knowing emerges: ” I am here. I exist. Who I am is lovable and good enough. I love myself exactly as I am.”


Rabia ErdumanThis article is written by Rabia Erduman. CHT, RPP, CMT, BAA Born in Turkey, raised there and in Germany, Rabia Erduman has a BA in Psychology, is a Certified Hypnotherapist, a Registered Polarity Practitioner, and a Visionary Craniosacral Worker. She teaches Intuitive Touch, Polarity Therapy, Tantra, and Spiritual Awakening workshops. Rabia is a Health and Wellness Educator for the Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance (MBHA). For more information about MBHA, contact us or visit our website at www.montereybayholistic.com.  Graphic art and photographs by http://www.Pixabay.com

Disclaimer: The Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance is a charitable, independent registered nonprofit 501(c)3 organization and does not endorse any particular products or practices. We exist as an educational organization dedicated to providing free access to health education resources, products and services. Claims and statements herein are for informational purposes only and have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The statements about organizations, practitioners, methods of treatment, and products listed on this website are not meant to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This information is intended for educational purposes only. The MBHA strongly recommends that you seek out your trusted medical doctor or practitioner for diagnosis and treatment of any existing health condition.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s