Healing & Awakening the Heart: Animal Wisdom for Humans

You can find deep peace, love, and joy while you are healing. 

You can create a life that is much more fulfilling during the journey of finding the buried treasure in your heart. A heart full of longing and pain can actually lead to enlightenment. Once we enter our heartache entirely, rather than run from it or fight it, it can become a path to enlightenment.

In my case, heartache became my teacher of awakening into a peace that is all-pervasive and consistent. In the face of disillusionment and devastation, when a career-dream was temporarily jeopardized, three hawks arrived to assist me. The turning point was a climactic event in my life. The results have stayed with me.

As my career flourished and my life filled with wonders, a lifelong dream of producing three inspiring videos about awakening, animal communication, and miracles was close to realization.

There was one hitch in my emerging success. My DVD footage was being held hostage. I did not have the ransom funds. Sounds like a movie! But it’s a true story.

I was so angry that I went outside kicking my feet as I sought peace under the night stars. My heart felt crumpled into a paper ball. Alone in my despair, I sat a moment by the compost pile, feeling a desire to be transformed into something more fertile. I got up, walked a ways, then made a left turn, unsure of why. I just followed my senses in the same way I follow what beckons.

There, late at night, under stars, sprawled below me, no longer alive, was one of my best friends, the hawk.

There had been three hawks that spent lots of time with me. They called to me each day, circled around me, attended my seminars in circles above, and guided me into the place where heart and sky were the same. What happened to this one?

I could not understand. I blamed myself. My negativity over this matter of the DVDs must have killed the hawk, I thought.

“That is not what happened,” said the hawk, who was right above me, though her body was on the ground. “Please go inside, sleep, and listen,” she continued. By passing the feelings in her own heart into mine, she was able to give me this message.

Despair was literally extracted from my body in that moment. I felt comforted by the presence of my loving friend. Following her guidance, I went to bed. Lying awake most of the night, I felt flown. My heart was lifted into lighter and lighter contentment. Everything but love disappeared. I experienced myself flying in waves of blissful peace.

Some of you are now in suspense, while others may be thinking, “This isn’t the book for me. Animals don’t talk, and if they do I can’t hear them!” Read on and do not give up. The eight elements I learned from the animals’ promptings can be used anywhere and anytime with or without animals. They were given to me by animals, and so I credit them and share my stories here. You will use the information in your own ways. Those of you who love animals can deepen your understanding of the elements with animals. Those of you who are not in relationships with animals will practice the elements to achieve your desired results.  In the morning I was asked by my hawk friends to bury the hawk’s body. I was told exactly where to dig the hole.

When the last scoop of earth was deposited, my hawk friend remained in my heart.

Her body was protected as it returned to the ground of our living. I was given some information by the hawks and then they asked me a question.

“Why are you here on Earth?”

“For Peace.”

“Are you here for Peace or for your video footage?”

Sorrow ran through my throat and into my heart, and then drained right into a stream of joy that circled all through me.

“Peace.” Suddenly it was clear. My eyes teared up in love. The footage would come and the footage would go. Peace beckoned. In the arms of peace, joyful love swirled.

“Now, drive down to the company who has your footage. Go straight to their office.”

“I’ve tried. They are never there. The door is locked. They do not answer the phone.”

“Go. Go in Peace.”

I drove down the long winding road from Hidden Valley Sanctuary where I lived and taught my courses. Peculiarly, my car felt settled, like a baby in a nest, as I parked at the office of my producers.

Surprisingly, the door was open.

I walked in, right into Arthur, the company owner, who had my footage. Arthur had been handling his business by holding on to others’ belongings and asking for ransom fees. I was not alone. I had spoken to three other business owners in town who were experiencing similar troubles with Arthur. As it turned out, he had no background in DVD production, and no education in the skills he professed to have mastered. Arthur was a good talker, whose fraudulent business would soon be put to rest by the county. His earnings were not coming from rendering services he promised to provide. At this time he had many of us fooled. One woman was taking him to court. Another woman was on the verge of closing her business due to damage incurred from his involvement.

I had asked Arthur kindly to return the videos many times. I had pleaded with him. I had called an attorney. I had offered a compromise. For weeks, I had tried everything I could think of to resolve this problem. I was considering holding a peace vigil with many of the people who had contributed to creating the DVDs. The footage remained in his hands. But now, with my hawk friend guiding me, I understood that I had only one task. This task was not to get footage. Footage comes and goes.

I looked into Arthur’s eyes with complete love, needing nothing.

I experienced myself dissolving into a full love with nothing else required. Love of love alone flew my heart right into his. He received the delivery. I saw the love in his eyes too.My mission was accomplished and I turned to go.

“Wait, Laurie. I have been thinking. Just a moment.”

He reached down to his desk, picked up a box, and handed me all of my footage. A powerful peace seemed to clear the room and invite in a vast, spacious, neutral love. I left, feeling reverence for the hawks and all life.

After that, what was needed came. Someone who could finish the DVD project soon emerged. The videos were made by a new producer. Quickly after that, my work began drawing in people from all over the globe. People flew in from various parts of the USA, Asia, Europe, and Canada to receive assistance with their challenges. Person after person remembered the buried treasure of whole love within their heart. Peoples’ lives changed. Situations became more spacious so that solutions to troubles were born. Emotions mended. Years later, I reflected upon this natural and effortless journey in which I was well guided. My heart had been healed and I found a love that is real. The buried treasure in my heart was an ability to be in love anywhere at any time.

This love is inside me and goes with me wherever I am.

I realized that eight elements are at play: value, purpose, peace, subtraction, witnessing, addition, redesigning, and offering.
Excerpt with permission from the author from the book by Laurie A Moore: Healing & Awakening the Heart: Animal Wisdom for Humans  (2013) Available on Amazon and Kindle.  You can learn how to use each of these eight elements in the following chapters of the book.

 

This article is written by Dr. Laurie A. Moore, a Health and Wellness Educator for the Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance. Laurie is a licensed therapist (LMFT), certified hypnotherapist (CHT), a certified animal communication specialist, published author, public speaker, and accomplished workshop presenter. For more information about Laurie Moore and her workshops visit her website at www.animiracles.com  The Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance is a registered 501 (c) 3 nonprofit health and wellness education organization. For more information about the Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance contact us or visit our website atwww.montereybayholistic.com.

Disclaimer: The Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance is a charitable, independent registered nonprofit 501(c)3 organization and does not endorse any particular products or practices. We exist as an educational organization dedicated to providing free access to health education resources, products and services. Claims and statements herein are for informational purposes only and have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The statements about organizations, practitioners, methods of treatment, and products listed on this website are not meant to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This information is intended for educational purposes only. The MBHA strongly recommends that you seek out your trusted medical doctor or practitioner for diagnosis and treatment of any existing health condition.

How to Overcome Barriers to Forgiveness

What Barriers Stand in the Way to Forgiveness?

It’s hard to let go of the suffering caused by someone else’s wrongdoing. What barriers stand in the way of forgiveness, and how can we overcome them? We all know how painful it feels to suffer hurts, betrayals, or abuse-and to have this pain harden into lasting grudges or resentments.

Forgiveness is essential, even when there is good reason to resist.

Indeed, study after study has suggested that being unable to forgive past wrongs can wreak havoc on our mental and physical health. Forgiveness is the practice of letting go of the suffering caused by someone else’s wrongdoing (or even our own). It does not mean excusing, overlooking, forgetting, condoning, or trivializing the harm or jumping to a premature or superficial reconciliation; it doesn’t necessarily require reconciliation at all. Instead, it involves changing our relationship to an offense through understanding, compassion, and release.

Two decades of social psychology research have repeatedly demonstrated the psychological, physical, and social benefits of forgiveness. True forgiveness repairs relationships and restores inner well-being.  Yet we often find it hard to let go, forgive, and move on. According to research, even when we can feel compassion and empathy for the person who harmed us, we can remain stuck in fear or hostility for days, months, even years.

Why is something so good for us so hard to do?

That’s the questions Williamson at New Mexico Highlands University and Marti Gonzales at the University of Minnesota have explored through research on the psychological impediments to forgiveness. In a recent study published in the journal, Motivation and Emotion, Williamson, Gonzales, and colleagues identify three broad categories of “forgiveness aversion.” Traditionally, ideas for helping one person to forgive another have implied either expanding one’s empathy or compassion for the offender or “distancing,” not taking things so personally. But their research on forgiveness aversion suggests another approach: Forgiveness comes not necessarily by appealing to kindness or compassion but by addressing the victim’s fears and concerns. Williamson and Gonzales’ research suggests how to work with perceived risks to forgiveness and to move toward forgiveness in a safe and genuine way. Below is a brief tour of the three barriers to forgiveness, along with ways to overcome them, drawing on clinical research and clinical experience with hundreds of couples and individuals.

Understanding these barriers to forgiveness can be very useful to anyone who has ever struggled to forgive-in other words, most of us.

 

Barrier #1: Unreadiness

The first block is “unreadiness,” which Williamson and Gonzales define as an inner state of unresolved emotional turmoil that can delay or derail forgiveness. People can feel stuck in a victim loop, ruminating on the wrongs done to them by another person or by life, and be unable to shift their perspective to a larger view, to find the meaning, purpose, lessons, and possibilities for change from the events.

• Who is most likely to experience unreadiness?

Williamson and Gonzales found that people’s tendencies to be anxious and ruminate on the severity of the offending behavior reliably predicted an unreadiness to forgive. People showed more reluctance to move toward forgiveness especially when they held a fear that the offense would be repeated,

• How can we overcome the barrier of unreadiness?

Williamson and Gonzales’ research validates the folk wisdom that “time heals all wounds” and establishes the importance of not rushing the process, not coming to forgiveness too quickly. Certainly the passage of time is an important factor in helping people get some distance from the initial pain, confusion, and anger; it helps the offender establish a track record of new trustworthy behavior and helps the victim reframe the severity of the injury in the larger context of the entire relationship.

• Tips to Overcome Unreadiness

1. Recall the moment of wrongdoing you are struggling to forgive. “Light up the networks” of this memory by evoking a visual image, noticing emotions that arise as your recall this memory, notice where you feel those emotions in your body as contraction, heaviness, churning. Notice your thoughts about yourself and the other person now as you evoke this memory. Let this moment settle in your awareness.

2. Begin to reflect on what the lessons of this moment might be: what could you have done differently? What could the other person have done differently? What would you differently from now on? When we can turn a regrettable moment into a teachable moment, when we can even find the gift in the mistake, we can open our perspectives again to the possibilities of change, and forgiveness.

Barrier #2: Self-Protection

The second block to forgiveness is “self-protection”-a fear, very often legitimate, that forgiveness will backfire and leave the person offering forgiveness vulnerable to further harm, aggression, violation of boundaries, exploitation, or abuse.

• Who is most likely to experience self-protection?

People who have experienced repeatedly harmful behavior, and lack of remorse or apology for that behavior, are most likely to resist forgiving the offending party, according to the research by Williamson and Gonzales. In fact, they found that even the strongest motivation to forgive-to maintain a close relationship-can be mitigated by the perceived severity of the offense and/or by a perceived lack of sincere apology or remorse. Refusing to forgive is an attempt to re-calibrate the power or control in the relationship.

According to their study, one of the hardest decisions people ever face about forgiveness is: Can I get my core needs met in this relationship? Or do I need to give up this relationship to meet my core needs, including needs for safety and trust? The ongoing behavior of the offender is key here. If the hurtful behavior continues, if any sense of wrongdoing is denied, if the impact of the behavior is minimized, if the recipient’s sense of self continues to be diminished by another, or trust continues to be broken, or the victim continues to be blamed for the offender’s behavior-if someone experiences any or all of these factors, then forgiveness can start to feel like an impossible, if not a stupid, thing to do.

• How can we overcome the barrier of self-protection?

“Victims may be legitimately concerned that forgiveness opens them up to further victimization,” write the researchers. “Intriguingly, when people perceive themselves to be more powerful in their relationship, they are more likely to forgive, perhaps because they have fewer self-protection concerns in their relationships with their offenders.”  

In other words, people sometimes have understandable fears that offering forgiveness will be (mis)interpreted by the offender as evidence that they can get away with the same behavior again. People very often need to learn they have the right to set and enforce legitimate boundaries in a relationship. Forgiveness can also involve not being in a relationship with the offender any longer or changing the rules and power dynamics for continuing the relationship.

 

• How to Set Limits

1. Identify one boundary you’ve been reluctant to set with the person you are struggling to forgive.

2. Clarify in your own mind how setting this limit reflects and serves your own values, needs, and desires. Reflect on your understanding of the values and desires of the other person. Notice any common ground between the two of you; notice the differences.

3. Initiate the conversation about limits with the other person. Begin by expressing your appreciation for him or her listening to you. State the topic; state your understanding of your own needs and of theirs.

4. State the terms of your limit, simply, clearly, unequivocally. You’ve already stated the values, needs and desires behind the limit; you do not have to justify, explain or defend your position. State the consequences for the relationship if this limit is not respected.

5. Negotiate with the other person what behaviors they can do, by when, to demonstrate that they understand your limit, the need for it, the benefit of it.

6. At the end of the specified “test” period, discuss with your person the changes in the relationship if the limit was respected, or the next step in consequences if the limit is not respected in the next test period. You may have to repeat this exercise many times to shift the dynamics in your relationship.

 

Barrier #3: “Face” Concerns

The third block is “face” concerns  – what we might call the need to save face in front of other people and protect one’s own public reputation, as well as avoid threats to one’s own self-concept-i.e, feeling that “I’m a pushover” or “I’m a doormat.”

As social beings, we’re primed to not want to appear weak or vulnerable or pathetic in front of other people. We will protect ourselves from feeling inner shame in many ways, which may include a reluctance to forgive. Researchers have also found that hanging on to a grudge can give people a sense of control in their relationships; they may fear that forgiveness will cause them to lose this “social power.” If our concerns about saving face foster a desire to retaliate or seek vengeance rather than forgive, we may need to re-strengthen our inner sense of self-worth and self-respect before forgiveness can be an option.

• Who is most likely to experience face concerns?

People who feel their self-worth has been diminished by the offense, or who experience a threat to their sense of control, belonging, or social reputation, or even feel a need for revenge, are more likely to experience the face concerns that could block forgiveness. “To the extent that victims fear that they may appear weak by forgiving, and are concerned with projecting an image of power and interpersonal control, they should feel more averse to the prospect of forgiving,” write the researchers.

• How can we overcome the barrier of face concerns?

Very often people who have been hurt by another need to recover their own sense of self-respect and self-worth to create the mental space where forgiveness looks like a real option. We need to develop and maintain an inner subjective reality-a sense of self-that is independent of other people’s negative opinions and expectations of us. Good friends, trusted family members, therapists, or clergy can be very helpful in functioning as a True Other to someone’s True Self-they’re figures who can help generate a more positive sense of self.

Forgiveness is not easy. It takes sincere intention and diligent practice over time. But overcoming reluctance, even refusal, to forgive can be facilitated by understanding these specific aversions to forgiveness, and by implementing strategies to address these barriers skillfully.

• How to See Yourself

1. Sit comfortably, allowing your eyes to gently close. Focus your attention on your breathing.

2. When you’re ready, bring to mind someone in your life in whose presence you feel safe. This person could be a dear friend, a therapist, a teacher, a spiritual figure, your own wiser self.

3. Imagine yourself sitting with this person face-to-face. Visualize the person looking at you with acceptance and tenderness, appreciation and delight. Feel yourself taking in his or her love and acceptance of you.

4. Now imagine yourself being the other person, looking at yourself through his or her eyes. Feel that person’s love and openness being directed toward you. See in yourself the goodness the other person sees in you. Savor this awareness of your own goodness.

5. Now come back to being yourself. You are in your own body again, experiencing the other person looking at you again, with so much love and acceptance. Notice how and where you feel that love and acceptance in your body – as a smile, as a warmth in your heart – and savor it.

6. Take a moment to reflect on your experience. You are recovering a positive view of your own self again. Set the intention to remember this feeling when you need to.

 

 

Reference
Williamson I, Gonzales M, Fernandez S, Williams A, Forgiveness aversion; developing a motivational state measure of perceived forgiveness risks,Motivation and Emotion, June 2014, Volume 38, Issue 3, p 378-400, SpringerLink, Retrieved: 6/29/2014

__________________________________________

Linda Graham  has submitted this article as a Health and Wellness Educator volunteer writer for the Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance. This article first appeared on the Greater Good Science Center website on May 13, 2014.   Linda is a psychotherapist in full-time private practice in Corte Madera, CA and a long-time practitioner of vipassana meditation. She integrates modern neuroscience, mindfulness practices, and relational psychology in her nationwide trainings and in her local Deepening Joy groups. She is the author of Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being, which won the 2013 Better Books for a Better Life award and the 2014 Better Books for a Better Worlds award. Linda publishes a monthly e-newsletter, Healing and Awakening into Aliveness and Wholeness, and weekly Resources for Recovering Resilience, archived at www.lindagraham-mft.net.   The Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance is a registered 501 (c) 3 nonprofit health and wellness education organization.  For more information about the Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance contact us or visit our website at www.montereybayholistic.com.

Disclaimer: The Monterey Bay Holistic Alliance is a charitable, independent registered nonprofit 501(c)3 organization and does not endorse any particular products or practices. We exist as an educational organization dedicated to providing free access to health education resources, products and services. Claims and statements herein are for informational purposes only and have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The statements about organizations, practitioners, methods of treatment, and products listed on this website are not meant to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This information is intended for educational purposes only. The MBHA strongly recommends that you seek out your trusted medical doctor or practitioner for diagnosis and treatment of any existing health condition.

 

 

Let it Go!

Best wishes to you, our health and wellness friends!

Click, copy, download and share with friends and family. Give up all bad qualities in you. Just let it go!

Today the focus is on letting go…. surrendering the negative and bad qualities that exist inside of ourselves.

Surrendering the domination of the mind, emotions, and ego, when it is destructive to our health and happiness.

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
~Havelock Ellis

It sounds simple enough. Just let go. Banish the ego. But why should we banish the ego? Is it really all that bad? Don’t we need the ego to survive and be successful? Yes, this is true. The ego helps us fight and prosper and helps us make good choices in life.  The ego is the inner voice that is concerned for self welfare, safety, and success.

However, the ego can sometimes get in our way and prevent us from truly loving, being prosperous, successful, and achieving our dreams and goals, especially when we are trying to work as a team. There is no place for ego when working together with a group or a partner.  So what exactly is the ego?

Here’s what Einstein had to say about the ego:

EGO = 1 / Knowledge. 

More the knowledge lesser the Ego, lesser the knowledge, more the Ego.

~Albert Einstein

An over-dominating ego can be what causes little children to start swinging at one another on the playground and  little Freddie to come home with a black eye and a broken tooth. So what do we do when  a person is angry, dominating, controlling, and our ego wants us to fight back and hold onto a grudge?  The little voice inside says, “This feels bad.  It’s not right. That person is wrong,” and if we let the ego take over, we might soon find ourselves hurt and angry, saying things we later regret, slamming doors, or in a boxing match with a friend or family member.  Here is what Sigmund Freud has to say about the ego.

“One might compare the relation of the ego to the id with that between a rider and his horse. The horse provides the loco-motor energy, and the rider has the prerogative of determining the goal and of guiding the movements of his powerful mount towards it. But all too often in the relations between the ego and the id we find a picture of the less ideal situation in which the rider is obliged to guide his horse in the direction in which it itself wants to go.”

~Sigmund Freud, From New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis, 1932.

So what does one do, to release the white-knuckled grip of ego? What do you do (in the moment) to be unaffected by words that sting or hurt?   I asked our Facebook friends what they do when the ego gets in the way, and it’s difficult to let go, and forgive hurtful words or actions.

Here are some of their answers.

• “In Tolle’s book, A New Earth, he gave me one of the most amazing tools EVER! He provided this tool for whenever we are faced with ‘EGO’ or ‘Pain-Body’ issues. Become a witness and not a participant. Allow a space in front of you, become a witness in the ego’s unfolding and not a participant, bless it all and surrender it. IT works every time for me.”  ~Iris

• “Take a look at this, it may be of help:  Creating Moments of Joy: A Journal for Caregivers, Fourth Edition, by Jolene Brackey “  ~Hal

• “I listen to Hilary Stagg, Harpist. This Instrumental music allows you to feel the music, the ministry of it. I have found his music soothes and ministers to every person who walks into our shop and especially myself which prepares me to be able to minister to others throughout the day. Please listen to a sample of his music when you get a chance. Also “speak” to the persons spirit. Not at the body that the spirit houses. Just a thought.”  ~Terri

• “I step back and visualize both of us as our “true” selves, sparks of God, when the trappings are taken away I remember that we’re all just sparks trying to find our way home. Takes my ego right out of the picture (a constantly battle btw).” ~Kelly

• With the Emotion Code from Dr. Bradley Nelson, you can help the person release trapped emotional energy that may be stuck in the radiant body of the individual.  ~Evelyn

• “There are a lot of wise words here about peace and detachment. Still, I think one would be wise to be open-minded if chocolate cheesecake is an option.”~Jerry

• “I am remembering a technique I use when life is chaotic. Sometimes I have used this imagination technique where I become a worm or a butterfly or something that is unaffected and not burdened by these kinds of worries and emotions.  Yay!! Time for worm meditations.” ~Jean

• “Chips Ahoy Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies with a 1/4 inch of Philly Cream Cheese on top. Self indulgent/pure decadence!” ~Mark

Ha,ha! We here at MBHA might not choose to  try your amazing suggestion, Mark, but thanks so much for the smiles! 😉

• “I talk to my angels; they always help when asked.”  ~Ronni

• “I write myself notes reminding myself that I am a beautiful and loving human being. I have found that the person who hurts me the most is myself because I decide to use other people’s words to hurt me. I have the choice to love myself and accept a viewpoint that is beneficial to my well being. Sometimes that means to listen to what others say and realize how I can benefit from their words, clear any obstacles to love, thereby allowing love to flow more freely through me. Love you and thank you so much for asking the question because it is always a great reminder of what true love is capable of!!!”  ~Liana

•  “Yoga helps me.” ~Debbie
  

• “It also helps to write the qualities you’re working on in a note. Write it in the present tense– (e.g,I am happy… I enjoy a fulfilling relationship with… etc, etc). Then CARRY IT IN YOUR POCKET! I just read this tip in the paper the other day. There was a study done and when people carried good things about themselves in their pocket, they felt better and improved their lives. It was also studied to write bad things down and tear them up or throw away… and of course, surrender is key. You can write whatever you aspire to, but then you surrender it to the good of the whole.” ~Bonnie

Thanks to all our friends for their wonderful tips.  We at MBHA invite YOU to share with us what you do to gain control over the ego, release judgment toward others, practice forgiveness and tolerance, and let go of the need to be right. We leave you with Sai Baba’s final word and the quote for today on our beautiful free poster gift to you.

“Give up all bad qualities in you, banish the ego and develop the spirit of surrender. You will then experience Bliss.”
~Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Best wishes to you with gratitude and appreciation,
Your health and wellness friends at MBHA